Humans are unique social animals. They have the option of making changes in their personalities as they grasp different concepts. It all depends on their sense of justice, morality, and understanding of things. Deep down, it depends on many other traits- traits you get as gifts from your parents through their genes and some through their behavior. It is one of the first things we learn from them- attitudes and opinions- in our early life. Only later do we find out if those events were toxic or not.

It may take us months or even years to learn our toxic traits and then unlearn them. Some are generational, meaning personality traits passed down from the parent to the child. These include short tempers, hostility towards partners, violence and even cheating. It is an endless cycle that keeps going round and round until one person takes up the exhilarating task of unlearning it for the sake of their children. It can happen only when they have enough understanding about themselves as a person and the position they hold in people’s lives.

Here is where family coaching and family therapy come into action when solicited. At this stage, the person has realized their toxic trait and now wants to try and break this cycle. It can be challenging to unlearn these behaviors, but it is not impossible and certainly not a bad practice.

To find the root of the problem, digging into childhood memories and family history can reflect why such traits have come into play and pinpoint the start of the influence. Family coaches know that every family has its problems. It can be as common as the struggle to understand a difficult teenager’s behavior or as complex as coping with separation or betrayal. It can be tough to live with others for lots of reasons though it may be with loved ones. Maintaining and managing a good family dynamic is no easy task, especially when you all live under the same roof. There will be fights and arguments but it is in dealing with it- this process- that just might cause a large chasm in the ups and downs of a relationship.

Family coaches provide families with methods and guidance that diffuse a conflict, reach compromises, and reinstate harmony between members. These sessions push you to look inwards, understand your faults, mend ways of communication with your family, and stop projecting your mess onto your children. Coaches do their part in guiding you to where you want to be, it is in your hands to change yourself for the better and live a healthy life.

When parents project their fears and doubts onto their young ones, these kids grow up thinking it’s a fact of the world, that since your mother and her mother wasn’t able to do anything about this, you might neither.

For example-

Sushma finds out that her son is an anxious person. Her father and grandmother both suffered from anxiety. Sushma thinks it’s a hereditary condition that runs through her family. She believes her son will grow up to be an anxious person. Part of the reason why anxiety exists is that Sushma, herself, influenced her son with her thoughts of concern and fear. She grew up with a thinking process similar to her mother’s. Her son has also started adopting this thought pattern, as she found out about his anxiousness.

This is how generational patterns occur. It is a cycle that unknowingly starts and goes on until one person in the family decides to change their thinking systematically. These core thoughts, when pushed towards change, result in an exponential growth of character. Mindfulness of actions now starts to sink, as self-awareness makes you think about your life patterns and how it affects the people around you. Reframing thought processes come into action. Slowly but surely, you will break away from a toxic trait and can finally put an end to generational patterns in your family.

Family coaches guide you to find routes towards building healthy relationships with your loved ones that might have gone bitter had self-awareness not kicked in. Everyone needs guidance for various things life throws our way- being unprepared does not make you weak, it makes you human- capable of error and powerful enough to switch ways from an unhealthy way of life followed for generations.